Something sad happened at our house recently. I’m still kind of thinking it
all through, so I haven’t mentioned it until now. On Sunday, a neighborhood dog
broke into our yard and mauled one of our four hens. When I found Fanny, her
best buddy Clara was leaning against her in the snow, and Fanny was alive, but
her eyes were closed. I think she was in shock. When I examined Fanny, I
realized what would have to happen. Fanny was badly hurt and in a lot of pain,
so we had to put an end to her life.
I’d thought some of this through before this unfortunate incident happened—predators are everywhere, even
in the city, and chickens are vulnerable to everything from raccoons to dogs to
hawks. I’d also been encouraged to ask myself: are these pets? Why do we have
them here with us? Will they go to the vet like any other pet, or are these more
like farm animals? Our primary motivation for having hens was to have healthy
eggs, and for the boys to have the experience of helping with the production of
our family’s food. I wanted them to understand the cycle of life, to pick fresh
eggs out of the nesting box, to see how our scraps can be turned into protein;
how their compost can feed our garden, and so on. In a culture where most of us
have no idea where the food we eat even came from, I wanted them to grow up
exposed to a healthier model than that. I also wanted them to see that the
animals we rely on for food can be treated humanely, that we owe them that
respect and a chance at a good life. But I also knew that they weren’t going to
be pets. It is possible to save a bit of money having your own backyard
chickens, but a single vet bill could wipe that out for years. And if a chicken
got hurt, it wouldn’t be kinder to wait for a vet to put it down – our
hesitation to be merciful by handling that deed ourselves would be a cruelty to
that chicken. And what would we do when our hens aged and stopped laying? We
can only have 6 hens at a time – would we be willing to have all those spots
taken up by hens that didn’t lay anymore?
I eat meat. Not a lot, and most of it from sustainable, humane sources, but
I do eat it and I’m not conflicted about that as long as those animals were
treated decently (and the vast majority of animals used for meat are not
treated decently, not even close). If that is the case, then would it not be
consistent to be at peace with allowing our relatively pampered hens to be
processed humanely after their productive laying days are over? To me, that
made sense. We would treat our hens kindly, even affectionately, feed them the
best food available, allow them to roam as much as we are able to let them, and make
sure they had an overall good life as long as they produced eggs with some
consistency. By deciding they were essentially farm animals and not pets, we
were keeping them as part of our food chain by providing food, not just using
more of the world’s resources for some new hobby. Having backyard hens was not
just another way to consume; it was part of bringing a little of our food
source closer to home, where we could control how humanely the animal was
treated and what went into its feed. Having thought quite a bit about all this,
not to mention reading both “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” and Barbara Kingsolver's latest book this past
summer, I was somewhat prepared for the circumstances we dealt with last week. What I
wasn’t prepared for was how this experience would connect two halves of a
whole.
We had some choices to make. Animal control had been called by the neighbor,
and they wanted to know what our plan was for the “body”. We could have had
them take her for a fee, or we could process her for the soup pot. Putting an
entire large dead chicken into the garbage to attract even more predators was
not an option.
Even now I can not completely explain it, but processing her absolutely felt
like the right thing to do. If this magnificent bird with the kind eyes, who
provided compost and eggs, and ate our slugs and weeds, was not longer with us,
would it really be the rational thing to do to then treat her as a pet only after the end of her life – when it didn’t benefit her at all? Did it not make
more sense to respect her purpose here with us by making full use of the
nourishment she could provide for a family? Wasn’t the only thing holding me
back just the disconnection most of us have from the reality that meat comes from
live animals? But could I really process a chicken with a name in my city home?
J had done the actual killing, certain that it would make a complete
wreck out of this animal lover. He was mistaken, I think, but I love
him dearly for it anyway, because, really, what says true love better
than a vegetarian who insists upon killing a chicken for his wife's
sake?* His job was done, though, the processing part was mine if anyone
was going to do it. I decided to go ahead with it.I called my buddy Peat, our local urban
chicken expert, and he walked me through what processing a chicken would
entail, and then I looked at a few pictures online to get a better idea of what
was involved. I let the blood flow into a pan for an hour, and then put her
into boiling water for two minutes to loosen the feathers. I painstakingly
plucked the feathers, cut off the legs, then removed the scent gland and the
organs, and put her into a pan of ice cold water. Somewhere along the process,
the sanitized form of a chicken that we all recognize began to emerge – the
pink shrink-wrapped chicken we all see lined up in the grocery store
refrigerator case. There was a wide and messy gulf in between Fanny the bird
with the kind eyes and that bird we see in the grocery store, and I realized
that this work was about everything in that in-between, the literal blood and
guts we never have to face when we order a chicken sandwich or toss some
chicken breasts into our cart at the grocery store. That gulf was
bridged, two halves of a real whole reconnected as I found myself hunched over
the sink, plucking and cutting, pulling and washing. There was something sane,
even spiritual about the process even as I also grieved the loss of a beautiful
animal.
When I reached inside the plucked bird to pull out the insides, a waiting
pan beside me in which to transfer the un-needed organs, the first thing I
discovered was a bright orange orb by her vent – a large yolk not yet
surrounded by albumen and shell. As my arm moved further inside the bird, I
discovered yolk after yolk, each a bit smaller than the last, the final one the
size of a pearl. I lined them up in a row, fascinated to realize that each
egg’s potential had existed within her weeks earlier.
If you’d asked me to imagine what it would be like to discover one of our
hens hurt by an animal, and asked me also what would be hardest about that
experience, I’m fairly certain I would have said that ending her life would be
the hardest part, and that I didn't think I could process a chicken that had a
name. I was wrong about both of those assumptions. The hardest part was
seeing her buddy Clara huddled beside her in the snow, and seeing Fanny herself
hurt and suffering for any time at all. I felt terrible that I’d let that
happen. The killing, though, was a relief, an act of mercy that couldn’t have
come soon enough. The boiling and the plucking and all the rest were acts of
respect for her life and it’s purpose, a life well and happily lived, and for
our ability to provide a good life for any future animal that comes into our
care. We will be adding three more pullets this spring, bringing our total to
six. We look forward to many more years of tending a clucking backyard flock,
of very small-scale animal husbandry, knowing that we can handle whatever comes
and learn from the experience as we go. I won't process a hen again myself unless it's an emergency - mostly out of respect for my neighbors - but there are other places in town to have that done humanely and inexpensively if we need to.
While too much exposure can desensitize, none also makes it easy to ignore the sources of our food.If anything, this experience has made me more determined to be consistent in
avoiding meat that I don’t know anything about. More and more options for
non-CAFO meat are available, at least around here. It costs more, but we try to
balance that out with some inexpensive beans-and-rice type meals every week. J is
still mostly vegetarian, and the boys are starting to eat a little meat here
and there when they ask for it. The boys didn’t see any of what happened, and I
did the processing when they were thankfully napping, but we did choose to
share some information with them. They know our flock well enough to notice
Fanny’s absence. We told them that Fanny was hurt, and we had to help her die.
They took this in stride, as they have in general when we’ve talked about what
“meat” is, but they often say “Fanny died” out of nowhere. This kind of thing might actually be a whole lot harder a couple of years from now. When we go to the
grocery store, N or O always point to the chickens and says “those are
processed”. I always remind them, in the simplest way I can, that anyone who
processes and eats an animal has a responsibility to be kind to that animal first as
long as it’s alive. I’ll miss Fanny, but I’m grateful, at least, for the opportunity to be
more connected to the reality of where my food comes from, and that we're making some choices to make that a reality we can live with.

(Fanny was the buff hen on the left)
*This is an edit/addition - I somehow (and accidentally) left this paragraph out when I posted yesterday.