Better Make It A Double

Strike Two

I think I’m getting there. After several weeks of nausea, mild depression, a negative libido (is there such a thing? Yes, there is!) and breakthrough bleeding, I’m thinking the Pill and I, we’re not getting along so well. I have courted the Pill, asked for its number and mooned over its tidy, promising packaging, romanced it diligently, hell, I even swallowed, but the truth is, the Pill is just not that into me.

Moving on…

This leaves me with considerably fewer options for dealing with the inevitable return of endometriosis pain and tiredness. I had hoped that I could slow its growth by keeping my period down to four times a year. I have an appointment with my Doc for May 1 to discuss options, but I’m really not sure there are any. The Pill is supposed to be a pretty mild, risk-free approach to managing endo after pregnancy—the one without all the side effects .

(Refresher: before deciding to do IVF, I was looking at a hysterectomy as a possibility. I am one of the lucky endo-sufferers that have lots of pain with few adhesions or lesions, meaning that another laparoscopy might hurt more than help. My mom has endo too, and was helped a lot by pregnancy, so we figured: a. hysterectomy = maybe less pain and fatigue, no baby. IVF = maybe less pain and fatigue, maybe a baby. Of course, the hysterectomy would have been covered by insurance).

I do feel a lot better than before I had the boys. Pregnancy is often derided as a “solution” to endo pain, simply because it isn’t a cure and doesn't help all women with endo. That attitude rather pisses me off, because there is no cure, except, for some women, hysterectomy. Being pregnant and nursing the boys has definitely bought me time, maybe years. I still have pain, but not nearly as much, and when I can sleep, I feel rested. Not to mention having two wonderful children.

But it’s hard to realize that I probably won’t have as much time as I’d hoped before I’m once again exhausted and in pain most of the month. Any endo sufferers out there? Is a different version of the Pill a possibility?

There is a nationally renowned endo doc in town, and I keep putting off researching the possibility of seeing him. Maybe he just won’t be that into me either? Maybe because I’d feel like if he couldn't help me, I'll have lost my last, best hope of feeling decent for the rest of my reproductive (ha ha ha) years.

The return of the AF monster

During my pregnancy, the one thing I didn't have to deal with was the endless endometriosis pain and the bone-crushing tiredness that accompanies it. To my great dissapointment, I got my first period four months after the boys were born. Now, going into my 3rd period, all my symptoms are coming back - the tiredness, the crampiness, the heavy painful feeling in my ovaries. I'm popping ibuprofin again, and it barely helps. Only now I have to raise twins.

I'm very, very sad about this. I really hoped that pregnancy would have a long-term positive effect (as it did for my own mom), and at one point my OB and I were discussing IVF and hysterectomy as 2 options to consider. I don't want to even be thinking about those types of questions yet, but not I feel forced to. We also have 2 poor-quality frozen embies to make a decision about at some point.

I find that the invisibility of endo pain is very hard to deal with - I look perfectly healthy, but feel like crap. I'm not sure where I'll go from here; I'll probably start with getting back on the Pill, and see what that does.

I so want to feel hopeful about this.