Created by OnePlusYou
In case I ever entirely lose it and decide I need a really long break from other people, I'd do OK for quite a while, apparently. Good to know....
I was initially a little mortified that they included "pets as an emergency food source, but then, considering how my SIL, the boys, and I spent the morning, that would make me quite a hypocrite, now wouldn't it?
For the backstory on this soup, go here.
How long would you last?
(While looking for something to read during lunch, I found this magazine in the magazine cart at the hospital nonprofit where I work. The label was ripped off by the donor so her address wouldn't accompany the donation. That's Drew Barrymore's boob chin, by the way.)
(Also, in case you're wondering, I would have been happy to join J in casting my delegate vote for Obama, but I don't actually have a delegate vote, because I'm still a Dutch citizen. That's never stopped me from campaigning for candidates, though, and except for caucusing and voting, I'm probably considerably more interested in and involved in politics than the average American. I'm cautiously optimistic about the possibilities that an Obama presidency could bring. I also think that nobody's gonna get in there without having to make some pretty big promises to some pretty awful people, that the democratic system is sorely hurting for any real democracy, and that the two-party, winner-takes-all system sucks,)
Co-worker #1 says to Emmie, as she is eating her salad:
So, are you on a diet?
Co-worker #1 leaves the break room and Co-worker #2 enters.
Co-worker #2 says to Emmie, as she is eating her salad (and co-worker is eating a chicken-fried steak sandwich and waffle fries):
You must have those skinny genes, keeping the weight off after having twins.
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*No, there isn't such a thing, to my knowledge, but perhaps there should be. Think of it as "venting on the fool-ass thing I heard/overheard or saw this week" day.
Go on. There must have been something.
Dear friends and family,
It has been an interesting year. Our boys went from not-quite-crawling to walking, to running and speaking in sentences. They are funny and delightful, as well as tempermental and into everything. They are the best thing about this last year, bar none.
J and I are almost always tired. We don't see much of each other, we are chronically behind on every kind of project, and money is tight. My mother was deathly ill a few months ago, and is still not really well. Our computer died and had to be replaced, our stroller was stolen from our yard*, and our plumbing went haywire 2 days before Christmas (for the record: it's never a good thing when the plumber says"wow"). The dishwasher is still functioning as a fancy drying rack. A few months ago, our beloved cat Otis has to be put down suddenly. Our health insurance cost went up 25% and I am still experiencing a wage freeze. That same insurance is refusing to cover treatment for my back pain (or, at least, the first several thousand dollars of it).
My back is always sore from lifting my giant children and picking stuff up off of the floor, to the point that most days I grit my teeth until 6:45 when the boys go down and I can take a prescription painkiller without fear of driving unsafely or dropping my children on their heads. I'm then too tired from the pain medicine to do a whole lot of housework, but then, I've named the named the dustbunnies, and we've bonded, so that's OK. J thinks that "George" and "Dick" are not appropriate names for dustbunnies.
You might think that sending this cheery Christmas letter on the day AFTER Christmas is yet another sign of my being too behind to have my act together, but I ask you: would you really have wanted to get this letter right before the coming of our Lord? I think not.
So while we have appreciated every day we have with each other and our very dear children, we do not necessarily look back on this past year with a whole lot of nostalgia (unless you are talking about said children.)
Good riddance, 2006! May the year 2007 hold much wonder, good health, functioning plumbing, and joy for all of us.
Fondly,
M and J
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* To be fair, the stroller was replaced with money that my co-workers contributed as a Christmas gift. It was a truly kind gesture that made me feel a whole lot better. And as for the letter; no, I didn't send it. But if you want some genuine humor after that little bit of holiday cheer, you can find it at one of my new favorite twin blogs here. Plus the babies are so cute, they probably don't even need plumbing to be cheerful. Or a baby cage on wheels stroller.
I am off to a weekend retreat with various female friends and family members. A retreat in which I will not need to do any housework, cook any food, or wipe any butts other than my own. For two whole days.
I think I might miss them. I think I might need the break even more I than I will miss them. Besides, I will be leaving them in such capable, loving hands:
My wonderful SIL, she of much nanny/toddler experience, is the one on the left.
She promised she’d take the pumpkin off her head for the weekend.
I don't really care as long as I get to go.
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalaaaaaa.........wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!
Last week O was a wee bit gassy for a couple of days. What can I say? The boy loves his beans. He didn’t seem uncomfortable, but it was the first time since he was an infant that he was regularly tooting at an audible volume. His brother was most amused, and O was most amused at being able to crack up his brother. At dinner, N would giggle and say “Beep! Beep!” every time his brother would toot, and they’d both end up giggling. I thought the potty humor stage came a little later?
After dinner, O decided to take things one step further and walk over to his brother and lean against him before tooting. Both boys would get a big grin, and then we’d get a toot from O and a big “Beep! Beep!” from both boys. Then mama may have wet her pants just a little trying so hard not to laugh and encourage such behavior. By the time they went to bed, N was cracking up if O even got near him. By morning the gas had passed, and all was back to normal.
I have very precocious boys, no?
And to prove that I’m just as easily amused, here’s a nice little list of gaseous euphemisms. My personal favorites:
But however juvenile I am capable of being, I will not buy them this.
Because I have standards.
There is a truly excellent post to be found at Mom 101 regarding Games Toddlers Play. The not-always-delightful ones they really play, not the ones in the books. I thought I’d take the opportunity to add a few for twin toddlers:
Pull on your brother’s privates while mommy is diapering him. Giggle when he wails, then go doddering off with the wipes box while mommy is left behind holding up the legs of the other boy, poopy diaper still beneath him.
Pulling up mommy’s shirt together when one of you is on each hip and right after mommy rang the doorbell because you know she has no free hand to put it back down before the play date mommy comes to the door. (To her credit, Play Date Mommy said, “I think I have that bra too!”)
Peekaboo through the door hinge, possibly followed by losing a finger through the door hinge. (We have every door they have access to either closed with a doorknob cover in place, or attached to the wall with a hook.)
Feed each other is a big hit. Unfortunately, so is putting things into each other’s ears and noses. Following your twin around with his half-drank milk sippie and trying to wedge it into his unwilling mouth is also popular.
Pull your brother over in the tub. I think they have a little conference beforehand to ensure that one of them is always crying to get out and the other not wanting to get out. When one boy gets pulled out due to the crying, he’s happy for one minute until he starts crying to get in. Put him back in. He pulls his brother over. His brother starts crying to get out, repeat, repeat, repeat. Mommy can’t bang her head too hard on the porcelain, because she must make sure nobody drowns.
Using your wailing brother’s back as a step stool to make it that extra few inches up and onto the toy box, thus being able to reach the diaper bin and lob diapers all over the living room while mommy is in the bathroom craning her neck to see what the wailing is about. When mommy is done in the bathroom, find a couple of the diapers she misses and put them in the toilet. Mommy is not sure if this qualifies as "showing interest in using the potty”.
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The twin phenomenon no-one prepares you for is the exponential nature of “unwise ideas”. Think about it. You have 2 kids at the same developmental stage, coming up with the same types of trouble. There are not only twice as many unwise ideas, but both boys do every one of them, so you end up with a significantly higher sum total of unwise ideas than if you’d had them one at a time, concentrated into a shorter period of time. Sometimes I go to bed thinking, “Well, nobody got seriously hurt. Must’ve been a pretty good day.”
Today was a gorgeous day. On my way home from work I stopped by the library to drop off about 12 books, CD's and DVD's. We've been using one card for our family library trips, so we have at least 20 items out at a time these days. Our neighborhood librarians know us by sight, if not by name.
Later, after the boys went to bed, I went back to pick up a couple of items that I had reserved and delivered to my neighborhood library. One of the librarians asked, as I checked out another big pile of books, "weren't you just here a few hours ago?" the other librarian, standing next to him, said "yeah, she's kind of like the library equivalent of a barfly".
Hee.
I read like the book is burning up behind me. I can't help it. If I'm in a strange bathroom, I read the shampoo bottles. I always have a couple of books going in the bathroom alone. My house is filled with stacks of book about toddler tantrums all sorts of things.
There is almost no place I like being more than a library.
Except my bed.
“I can tell that O’s the thinker of the two!”
What I said: “Hmmm, really? I don’t really think of them that way.”
What I wanted to say: “Yeah, N don’t got a thought in his head. Dumb as a post, that one…”
“N’s going to be a handful. He’ll need strict limits.”
What I said: “He has a lot of energy, doesn’t he?”
What I wanted to say: “Yes, J and I do feel that screeching, exploring, and crawling fast at fourteen months are sure signs of future delinquency. In fact, we’ve started giving him a pre-emptive spanking first thing every morning. Want a turn?”
“I could never do twins/better you than me/oh, you poor thing” etc., etc., etc.
What I say: “We love having twins.”
What I’d like to say: “We considered leaving one by the side of the road, but couldn’t pick one. We’re still trying to pick one. What do you think?”
“You cloth diaper twins? That must be sooooo much work. You really must learn to accept some of life’s modern conveniences.”
What I said: “It’s not as much work as you’d think, it saves money, and it’s better for the environment. We’re happy with our choice.”
What I wanted to say: “Modern conveniences? Land sakes! Why there’s plenty of time to soak, wash and wring the diapers in between churning butter, darning socks, and stoking the stove!”
“How long are you planning to nurse those boys?”
What I said: “We don’t have any dates in mind, and nursing is still working well for us”
What I wanted to say: “If they want to keep nursing past age 18, they better pick a school in town, because I’m not commuting! I believe in firm limits, after all!”
(P.S. I'm still working on fixing the picture post, and I've returned it to draft form until I can get to it. Damned technology. Now, back to churning that butter...)
Is that a big wooden knob, or are you just happy to see me?
